Last week, the media reports of Criste Reimer’s death made their way across the country – in newspapers and on the internet. Criste Reimer was allegedly thrown off a fourth floor balcony by her husband. The early reports have led many in the public to believe her death is a moral lesson in either compassion, the cost of health care or both. Her family doesn’t think her death has anything to do with either of those issues.
This all got unexpectedly personal. Some of Criste Reimer’s messages to online groups have been posted elsewhere, all from 1998.One of the things I knew about Reimer from the news articles is that she had hydrocephalus. Until a few years ago, I had a website on hydrocephalus and got quite a bit of mail through it. (Her parents had rejected doctors’ advice to take her out of school due to the severe cognitive disabilities they believed she would have due to her hydrocephalus and neurofibromatosis.)
I checked my email archives using just the first part of the posted email address, since many people keep a favorite screen name even when they switch email services. Sure enough, there was a message from 2002 from a woman signing herself as Criste Reimer. The message I got from Criste was like the ones I’ve seen posted elsewhere.
I contacted Liz W., a woman who I know is connected to all of the types of forums in which I would have met Criste Reimer. Here’s what she had to say: “I have not stopped thinking of Criste and her family…it’s just so hard for me to believe her husband could claim to love her and do something like that to her. I’m heartbroken…We were on a few forums together, but I hadn’t heard from her for several months. She didn’t have a mean bone in her body. I’m blind with rage over this. Son of a bitch…may he rot in hell.”
Right now, Criste Reimer’s death is being glommed on to in various ways by people for various political reasons. It’s easy for those enthusiastic do-gooders to forget that Criste Reimer was a woman and a valued part of more than one community. A woman who touched many lives, including mine. –Stephen Drake