NewsBiscuit: “Homeopath to start offering ‘assisted-suicide’ remedy” (UK)

It was bound to happen.  At least one New Age practitioner has decided to cash in jump into the arena of assisted suicide.

From NewsBiscuit – The News Before It Happens…

Homeopath to start offering ‘assisted-suicide’ remedy

A homeopath in Banbury has decided to take politics into her own hands and start offering an assisted-suicide treatment. The service will be offered to those with terminal illnesses where traditional homeopathic treatments have not worked. The number of eligible people is thought to be high.

The practitioner, who goes by the name Chi Wind-Chime, explained that the ‘remedy’ used has been through the emotional turmoil of death, which is then remembered, and injected into the patient. ‘We take our special ‘faucet hydrogen dioxide’ formula to a funeral, where it is surrounded by mourning people. This emotional experience of someone passing is remembered by the special solution. We take this back to my ‘living room laboratory’ where it is diluted with more of the original solution to create a remedy that is so weak its strength is lethal.’

‘When the time comes, a family member can inject the patient, then wait for the treatment to work,’ Ms Wind-Chime continued. ‘The ‘passing room’ is painted lilac and we play whale song to create an atmosphere that is relaxed and peaceful, which is just as well because the effects of treatments on the terminally ill can take up to two years.’

Brenda Roberts took her mother to the homeopath to assist her in ending her life, but was not happy with the results. ‘She had got to a point where her quality of life was not what we wanted, so we convinced her that life was not worth living. So for her 50th birthday we all chipped in and paid for her trip to Ms Wind-Chime and she went through the treatment. That was 4 years ago and we are still waiting for her to keel over.’

Please read the rest of the “news” story here – and remember that it’s satire.