I hope this is the end of it, but today’s edition of the Concord Monitor carried Wagman’s essay, using the gentler, but less accurate title of “It’s time to pull out the tubes and allow my father to die.”
FYI – Unlike the LA Times, the Monitor provides a “comments” section for this op-ed.
Nothing there. So far.
Yesterday’s edition of the LA Times featured an op-ed by contributor and author Diana Wagman, titled “Time for Dad to die.”
The op-ed by Wagman is even worse than the title would lead one to believe.
The opening sentence of her piece gives us fair warning:
I love my 90-year-old father, and I wish he would die.
Wagman goes on to relate her father’s loss of some cognitive and physical abilities due to a series of strokes. Over time, he lost the ability to drive, walk his dog, do crossword puzzles or engage in the kind of spontaneous word play he valued. She also relates he was able to find some joy in things he could still do.
In October, her father had a massive stroke. He is currently in a hospital receiving acute care. By her own admission, her father isn’t in a vegetative state, but is asleep most of the time. He wakes briefly maybe a couple times a day and says two words to people (appropriate to the person and occasion).
The family is conflicted about what her father would want. He has an advance directive that says he wants no extraordinary measures. He relies on a feeding tube, which at least some in the family don’t regard as “extraordinary measures.”
And, of course, her father’s wife is facing new concerns as they face placement in a skilled nursing facility and the economic burdens that will place on her.
All of the above – except for that first sentence – is very familiar territory in the stories of families dealing with a severe health crisis and conflicting beliefs and emotions regarding what really is in a loved one’s best interests.
Wagman leaves the familiar territory – and invites readers to join her – with her closing statements in the essay:
The day before I returned to Los Angeles, I was alone with Dad. He never opened his eyes or even moved the entire day. I talked to him, read to him, held his good hand and stroked his great bald head. No response. The sun went down and the room took on that eerie hospital glow. I leaned over and whispered to my father that it was OK to stop fighting. I told him we all loved him and we would never forget him. I said it was time to die. It was not easy, and I cried.
The next morning on my way to the airport, I stopped by the hospital. The nurse said that earlier Dad had opened his eyes, looked right at her and said, “Good morning.” He was asleep again as I kissed him goodbye. I don’t want to be the one to remove the feeding tube, but I am not sorry I said what I did. It is time for him to go.
I know people who’ve worked with families in similar situations. According to some of them, it’s not uncommon for family members – feeling anger, hopelessness and frustration – to feel angry at the seriously ill person for not dying soon enough. Most people who feel these things have enough insight and self-awareness to seek out someone to talk to.
No one ever admits to actually saying it to a loved one.
While the feelings described in this essay may be pretty common, I’m led to believe that the actions and words described by Ms. Wagman are rare.
One wonders what kind of mindset leads to telling your father it’s “time to die” and then leave the city. Was she hoping he heard her? She certainly wants all of us to know she’s not sorry for telling him it’s time to die.
One also has to ask what the LA Times Op-ed editor was thinking in accepting this piece – glorifying what can most charitably called “dysfunctional behavior.”
One has to ask if it’s any coincidence that her father never roused himself out of his sleep for her final two visits, but was able to wake up and greet his nurse.
If Ms. Wagman was at my bedside, I’d pretend to sleep for as long as possible too. –Stephen Drake
Last week, I received a phone call from a very nice person at the Fixed-Point Foundation, a ‘Christian “think-tank” and teaching resource for churches and the broader community.’
She wanted to make sure I knew that Dinesh D’Souza and Peter Singer will be debating at Princeton in December at an event co-hosted by her organization.
I know I disappointed her when I said it wasn’t something that interested me.
Why? The title of the debate is “Can there be morality without God?”
They’ve done this same debate at least once before. And while the subjects of infanticide and euthanasia will certainly be discussed, it will all be within the framework of the newest installment in the “Culture Wars” debate.
The framework for this debate serves both men’s current agendas. D’Souza’s latest book is What’s So Great About Christianity – and we can conclude from this that it’s not just a God that D’Souza believes is necessary for morality, but a Christian one.
Singer, of course, loves nothing better than to put his ethical positions up on a stage where his opposition can be framed solely in religious terms.
There will be no room in this debate for the secular viewpoints of disability advocates and activists who have been prominent in opposing Singer’s public policy advocacy in the areas of infanticide and euthanasia.
Even outside of the disability community, there are voices that could lead to a richer debate. Columnist Nat Hentoff, for example, describes himself as a “Jewish, atheist, civil libertarian, left-wing pro-lifer.” He’s written passionately on infanticide, euthanasia, assisted suicide and the case of Terri Schiavo.
Seeing Hentoff debating either of these two men would be both enlightening and entertaining. Much more so than this tired retread of the “Culture Wars.”
But I don’t see either D’Souza or Singer jumping at the opportunity. They’d have to dump their prepared scripts. And besides, it wouldn’t do anything to further their respective careers. –Stephen Drake
PS – The event isn’t linked anywhere, but it’s scheduled for 8:30 pm, December 3, 2008, at Richardson Auditorium at Princeton University. I am willing to bet that copies of both men’s books will be on sale in the lobby.
PPS – Have a Safe and Happy Holiday!
If it’s still available online, I really do hope to get to transcribing the Radio Netherlands interview.
I’m a slow typist whose working memory is limited when I’m doing something like typing, so transcription is a long and slow process of listening, remembering and typing five words, rewinding, hit “play” and repeat the process ad infinitum.
As anyone reading the description above might gather, it doesn’t take much to distract me from doing transcription. I’ll see if I can do it in short stints over the holiday weekend.
It’s probably good for me. After doing something like that, I really do understand how someone can get tired of the sound of my voice. –Stephen Drake
This just dropped into my mailbox and I haven’t had a chance to listen to the whole thing yet, let alone my own part of the interview.
Radio Netherlands has an extended story on developments regarding assisted suicide, with emphasis on the U.K., the Netherlands and the USA. I was contacted by Hermione Gee to represent NDY and our viewpoint for this segment.
Here’s the URL for the text description of the radio show:
Below is some context and a quote from my interview, which begins about 7 minutes into the show:
Stephen Drake of the disability rights group Not Dead Yet argues that any law that permits assisted dying for one group of people – for example the old, ill and disabled – but not for everyone, is implicitly discriminating against that group and undermining their value as human beings. As he sees it,
“euthanasia and assisted suicide gives society a great way to divest itself of people that they see as a burden while patting themselves on the back as being compassionate and noble”.
There is a button that links you to the audio of the show in the URL linked above. (Looks like it uses Windows mediaplayer, at least on my system)
But you can also reach it directly by clicking here.
I’ll do my best to get a transcript of my part of the interview up by the end of today. If I don’t manage that, it will be up by sometime on Monday. –Stephen Drake
